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Company Holiday Party – iPhone Snaps

Monday, December 8, 2008

During party.

After party.

Morning after.

I participated in a dance-off. It was fun.

One of those days

Saturday, December 6, 2008

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YMCA

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Distance: 5.64 miles
Minutes: 64
Avg. Heart Rate: 159
Calories: 790

Will I run a marathon next year? Probably not. Definitely not. I’ll eat some Dorritos though. A lot of them.

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Black Snake Christina Ricci’s Boobs

Monday, December 1, 2008

If I were a religious man, I’d have concluded long ago that god gave us teeth for the sole purpose of transporting corn from the cob to our mouths.

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I cannot love you anymore.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

To My Crimson Confidant,

You were good to me. I won’t deny that. Loyalty wasn’t an issue, for you were at my beck and call. Whichever whim that bubbled up, you acknowledged and accommodated. Most of the time, I didn’t even have to speak. I’d point and you would take action. Servitude.

Am I ashamed of what I’ve done? No. For the arrangement that I instituted, I feel no remorse. Sure, I cultivated a relationship that really only benefited one side – mine. But you knew what you were getting into. You were aware of my aspirations and, more importantly, the limitations I placed upon our union. You knew that I would only commit for so long; that there’d be a time when I’d set you down and move onto another. I’m a parasite and you, the host, have been exhausted of all utility.

I must leave you now, Canon SD20. You served me well, and for that I thank you. I hope that you can find love again; that the next hands placed upon you are appreciative ones. You deserve to be treated with respect. You deserve to be adjusted appropriately and revered for your stunning hue and undeniably convenient proportions. I know that your next master will prove worthy in this way. She’ll thoroughly read through the instructional PDF document and learn to tame your overzealous flash. She’ll love you as I did and will always consider composition foremost. After all, you have no optical zoom.

Sincerely,
Your Beloved

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The Incredible, Adaptable Crow

Monday, November 24, 2008

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My Recent L.A. Trip

Friday, November 21, 2008

I flew to L.A. That’s my plane. Figure that out.

What? It was.

I was visiting Ana. That’s her.

I don her glasses to become Hipster Don.

We saw this ad on our way to the hotel. It cracked me up.

I jolted my arm out the car window and snapped this. Mission Accomplished.

Ana took me to Tito’s, the home of delicious tacos. Tacos are a food item found in Mexican cuisine.

The mere thought of tacos makes Ana reminisce about her childhood and smile.

I cannot begin to describe how good those tacos were. I recommend flying to L.A. just for them.

Ana waits for the incredibly dark elevator to reach our destination.

Waiting upsets her.

Once in my hotel room, the gun show begins. Her might is astounding.

I really enjoy hotel rooms. I get all weird in them, though.

That is not mine.

Room service and cushy robes make me happy. Where we’re going, we don’t need forks.

A trip to Venice beach ensues. I like this area, but not the tourists.

Oddly enough, this is a Catholic church.

Looking back at the mainland.

Milk shakes!

The requisite bare-feet-in-sand photo.

Ana is about to attack. Or dance. Definitely one of those.

Or neither of those. I don’t know. What are you looking at?

And what’s so funny?!

Heavy winds on that there beach.

Lucky shot.

Lucky shot plus landscape. THE WORLD IS TILTING!

Those weren’t her shoes.

Ana will find that shark that ate her shirt, yes she will.

Karate.

I tried this hat on.

I liked it and bought it. For world peace.

This was my favorite boat. Yacht schmat. Who needs ‘em?

What? Can’t a guy hug the leg of a statue?

He’s steering Ana.

Count the nipples. Good night.

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Speed Racer – My One [final] Paragraph Review

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Many modern-day armchair critics prefer to view movies from a stuffy, outside-looking-in position with real-world cynicism loaded and cocked. If one plans to employ such a method while watching this movie, one might as well deduct a good portion of potential enjoyment points prior to pressing the play button. Speed Racer should be watched from the inside with big eyes and fingers curled tightly around tasseled handlebars.

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