When I moved to San Francisco, I was faced with the task of furnishing my new home. I was renting a room in a house in the Sunset District. The house was lovely, and my room was spacious, but the neighborhood was awful. It consisted of homes, Chinese delis that proudly displayed skinned ducks in their windows, and cell phone stores. Tons of cell phone stores. I really can’t stress how great the quantity of cell phone retailers in that neighborhood is. What could these people possibly need with so many of them? You can almost hear that neighborhood hum at night. I digress…

The first piece of furniture that I purchased was an oak table. It was used, but in pretty good condition. It fit the bill perfectly, as I require more desktop space than the usual computer desk provides. I am, however, sick of looking at it. It has a thin lacquer on it, which means that it’s oak-colored with a sheen. I’m capable of sanding and painting it, but really don’t feel like doing so. I’m lazy. There, I said it.

My mental exploration into possible solutions to this problem has led me to tape. Specifically, gaff tape. I chose it for the following reasons:

1. It’s threaded, similar to duct tape, which makes it strong.

2. The adhesive, a high quality synthetic rubber, leaves no residue when the tape is removed. When I’m finally ready to sand and paint this oak beast, I’ll have no problems doing so.

3. It comes in many colors, including the drab olive green that matches my messenger bag!

The tools needed for this project are tape and your roommate’s toe-nail scissors (I recommend cleaning them before and after).

Below are some ‘before’ photos of the desk. If you look closely, you can see the scuffs and stains that it has sustained over the years. You may also notice that my room is a mess. I just moved in and am still unpacking. Give me a break.

The tape looks like this:

Partway through:

I finished within the hour, then placed some items on the desk for the ‘after’ shots:

I like the way that it turned out. The feel of the desktop is like that of canvas and not tacky at all. Perhaps I should do the rest of my furniture!

I forgot to mention that I saw Brokeback Mountain. It was great. Very much worth the hype, if you ask me. Solid acting all around, but Ledger really stood out. It was a complete transformation for him and he nailed it. I must say that Ang Lee has really surprised me with this one. I saw Crouching Tiger and thought that it was good, but I’m not sure that I would have guessed that Lee was capable of doing a movie like Brokeback as well as he did.

After careful research [Lynn, Lindsay, Daniel, and I attended an orchid-show at MSU], Lynn has determined that white people love orchids. She’s right, too; place was knee high in Wonder Bread.

Prior to the orchid show, we all went to Golden Harvest in Old Town Lansing. Good gawd, it was delicious. We got there at the worst time and ended up waiting for forty-five minutes before being seated, but it was so, so worth it. The food was lovely. The service was lovely. They played great music and had that Thai hot-sauce with the rooster on the label. If you haven’t been there yet, go. Like, right now. I’m not even joking.

April Fools Day is coming up, isn’t it? I was feeling very in the spirit and bought myself a gift. The one-way kind.

Flight reservation
Sat, Apr 1, 2006
Departs 4:05pm, Arrives 8:07pm
Delta Air Lines 5866 / 428
Detroit, MI to San Francisco, CA

How about something for your eyeballs?

Jena looks stoned. She wasn’t.

I wasn’t stoned, either.

Berry and Jeni. Jeni always looks Hispanic when I photograph her.

See? Well, except for the blue eyes. Wait no… she looks Asian, here.

We were attempting to appear sad, here.

Bartender at Temple was freaking hot.

I don’t even know…

The Parlor. Large servings of ice cream.

I want so much to see this movie. Who’s coming with me?!?

I created a LiveJournal account. I did so so that I could read the blogs of my friends who do the private-posting schtuffs. If you’re one of them, add me. dizzoknows.livejournal.com

Dear fashionable clothing companies,

Please make something that fits me. I know that the current trend is painfully thin men, but I cannot fit into clothing made for such sized humans. I’m of the hunter/gatherer body type; you know, the ones that provided all the food to keep the village alive? Throw me a fucking bone here.

Sincerely,
A pretty much naked guy because you can’t find it in your heart to make a shirt larger than the torso of a 12 year old boy.

This article made it barely possible for me to finish my lunch. I kept spitting pieces burrito into my hand because of joyous laughter. Thank you, Dank. [Seriously, read that thing. It's nine pages long but so, so worth it]

Juliette Lewis has become a musician. I enjoyed her vocals on Hotride, by Prodigy, so I downloaded the album by Juliette and her band. They’re called Juliette and The Licks. It’s not trash, but it’s not great. Maybe just not my thing. Will I see them live if they’re in town? Shit yeah I will. Why, you say? [just pretend you said it]

I’ll see anyone who rocks this hard, that’s why.

I am enjoying the following:
Arctic Monkeys - Whatever People Say I Am, That’s What I’m Not
Kaiser Chiefs - Employment
Regina Spektor [thanks, Angela!]
The Darkness - One Way Ticket To Hell And Back
Depeche Mode - Playing The Angel
Franz Ferdinand - You Could Have It So Much Better
Belle and Sebastian - The Life Pursuit

While strolling through the other side of the building that I work in, I saw that someone had written this on the dry-erase board that hung in their cubical: “Do everything you do as if you were doing it unto God.” Does this sound like a pretty bad idea to anyone else? Call me crazy… or perverted.

My photography hasn’t improved. I haven’t really been attempting to take good pictures, though. I merely point and shoot, lately. Evidence below…

Angela is like a ninja in the night.

Daniel thinks of saucy times with the mattress in the background.

Lindsay shows me what ‘cheese” is.

Lynn appears to be… I don’t even know. What is this face, Lynn?

Lindsay was tired before the movie; more so after.

Apparently, it’s impossible to get a picture of Daniel with his eyes open.

She can barely contain her excitement for the soon-to-arrive noodles.

Lynn’s dish at Noodles and Company.

Mine. Shit was good. Even the tofu was good. Did I mention good? Good good good.

This is me while ill and immediately after watching the Six Feet Under finale. I was a wreck.

Christina, just before she coated every surface in my apartment with glitter. It looks like Tinkerbell got drunk and threw up all over my stuff.

Angela didn’t see me [or the taking of this photo] coming.

My hair doesn’t really look like that. It was the swimmy/flash effect. Seriously.

Angela’s hair is immune to the swimmy/flash effect.

70’s porn star.  Insurance salesman.  Something along those lines…

You’ve always been technicolor to me, Jeni.

I keep saying that I’m going to actually put time into getting better at photography, but then I take a bunch of pictures like these [half-drunken, without aim]…

Jeni with mouth ajar.

She was teaching me how to pose.

Matt says hello.  Joe counts sheep.

Jeff didn’t start the fire.  Billy Joel did.

Soon after, I grabbed my partner… doh see doh.

Matt insists that I have another drink.

What are you cradling, Adam?

Adam gets me back for this.

Joe is being provocative.

Jessie’s hair-color is ever-changing.

Parker says ‘no’ to Silk.

Cats love having their picture taken.  My finger does, too.

Big head, I know you’re the one.  [wtf is up with Jeff?]

When Joe has the camera, I look up.

Though, sometimes I point.

Ok, now you’re pretty much in my nose.

Strange pic.  I’m upside-down, or something.

I like Parker’s clock.

I’d like a bass guitar.  I won’t be buying one until after the move, but if I found $2200 in my jean-pocket, I’d buy this [my own design]:

So, there was a myspace bulletin with a link to this site.  You can upload a pic of yourself and it tells you which celebrities you resemble.  Bored, I gave it a shot.

I used this photo.

The site provided me with the following results:  [small, sorry]

Brando and Elvis?  Sweet.

Peter Gabriel?  That’s fine.

Demi Moore?  I’d say something smarmy, but you know… I have to agree.  I kind of look like her.

Stupid internet with its stupid websites… 

S*****i: do you even know what a pie crust promise is?
d****s: Not at all, but I like pie, so I assumed it was good.

In recent [well, six year-old] news, Courtney Love isn’t as dumb as I assumed she was. If you have the time, read this.

StuffOnMyCat.com makes me want to get a cat so that I can put stuff on it. I know that that’s the wrong reason for acquiring one, but I’m just being honest. I mean, I’d pet and feed it, of course. I’d let it sleep on my pillow, against my head. I’d not beat it when it puked in my shoes. The placement of items on it for use of exploitation via photography published on the internet is just a perk. Why are you looking at me like that?

If you’ve read my last couple of posts, you know that I’m going though a bit of heartbreak. I’m on the rebound [sort of] and can’t shake certain thoughts out of my head. What do I do? I suppose I could put my dick in someone random and pretty. I’ve done that before, though. It never helps. I could write bad poetry, then throw it away. That sounds entirely fruitless. I decided on something much more fulfilling; to buy shit for myself. [yay for holiday gift certificates!]

Distressed and boot-cut.  I always liked bell-bottoms.

Again, boot-cut.

These shirts are almost too soft.

The only red article of clothing that I own.  Seriously.

I like brown leather bracelets.  My last one broke.

I’ve always wanted a flask.  Live shows will be so much cheaper now!  I bought Lynn the one on the right.

I didn’t buy one of these, but I like them.

Shelby was back in town for a couple of days.  The gang [did I just say that?] got together at the Temple Club to see Coke Dick Motorcycle Awesome a couple of days ago.  It was fun.  It was actually what triggered my buying of the flask.  Adam pulled one out and I remembered that I always wanted one.  I’m reminded of the movies where the over-stressed, middle-aged cop is at the scene of a murder and, while remarking about how fucked up some people are, pulls one out and takes a swig that makes him wince.  Anyway, pictures were taken, and here they are.

Chase, looking concerned.  I like that name, Chase.

Dan is happy. Matt is under a spell?

Louis doing ‘Cold Steel’

Half of Adam, most of Jake.

Half smile?  Mid-speaking?

Jake sleep-laughs.

Dan can see inside of you when he does this.

Biggest brown eyes, ever.

Chase is surrounded by digital seagulls.

Dylan smiles, sometimes.  Not in this pic, though.

I was explaining my solution to all the world’s problems.

Watch out for the flying orange glowy-ball!

‘Then what you do is light the tip on fire and put it in your mouth…’

Can I get a pic of Matt without an odd expression on his face?

Jake killed everyone in the bar soon after.

Dan drinks and I look fearful.

Pussy was thrown at us like frisbees when we made these faces.

Shelby says that I’m #1.

Crystal doesn’t even care.

Finally met Kristen [Shelby's sister].

Important conversations, surely.

Louis and Kirsten with contrasting expressions.

Still with the contrast.

Louis is just reaching for his keys.  You can tell by the look on his face.

Shelby and I invented contrast.

It’s magic.

Kristen wants to know if I’m serious.