Thirteen Steps

1. My uncle once: sang a song that made me cry.

2. Never in my life: have I felt like I belonged.

3. When I was five: I smiled with teeth.

4. High School was/is: me vs. 1300 rich kids.

6. I once met: ABC [Another Bad Creation] when they tried to cut in line. I sent them to the end of the line with, “Don’t think so, losers.”

7. There’s this girl I know who is: the best friend I’ve ever had.

8. Once, at a bar: I made out with a drag queen.

9. By noon I’m usually: 1/3 through with work…and starving.

10. Last night I listened to: Magnetic Fields – How Fucking Romantic

12. Next time I go to church: it’ll be out of character.

15. When I turn my head left: the monitor can see my profile.

16. When I turn my head right: my heads are facing opposite directions.

18. How many days until my birthday?: You want me to count? February 3

19. If I was a character written by Shakespeare: I’d die often [in the Shakespearian sense of the word]

20. By this time next year: I’ll be in Tucson or L.A. learning my craft.

21. A better name for me would be: Prick. Maybe Dash of Brash.

22. I have a hard time understanding: languages I don’t speak. Like, that one that Christians speak.

23. When/If I ever go back to school I’ll: study, graduate, utilize the skills to secure my financial situation.

24. You know I like you if: I say so. I’m pretty blunt.

25. If I won an award, the first person I’d thank would be: my mother and father.

27. Take my advice: ignore advice.

28. My ideal breakfast is: fresh fruit, eggs, muffin, coffee.

30. If you visit my hometown: you’ll be in many states at once.

32. Why won’t anyone: open their fucking eyes and remove Bush from office?

33. If you spend the night at my house: you may be woken up by my night-terrors. It happens sometimes.

34. I’d stop my wedding if: I won’t marry until gay people can do it, too.

35. The world could do without: Fox News

36. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: it’s eyes.

37. My favorite blonde is: Samantha Morton

38. Paper clips are more useful than: Ashley Simpson

39. If I do anything well, it’s: deter people.

40. And by the way: Top of the morning to you. [it's from a song, dude]