I took another test. It’s at okCupid.com You should take it. My results are as follows:

The Loverboy
Random Gentle Love Master (RGLMm)

Well-liked. Well-established. You are The Loverboy. Loverboys thrive in committed, steady relationships–as opposed to, say, Playboys, who want sex without too much attachment.

You’ve had many relationships and nearly all of them have been successful. You’re a nice guy, you know the ropes, and even if you can be a little hasty with decisions, most girls think of you as a total catch. Your hastiness comes off as spontaneity most of the time anyhow, making you especially popular in your circle of friends, too.

You know not to make the typical Loverboy mistake of choosing someone who appreciates your good humor and popularity, but who offers nothing in return. You belong with someone outgoing, independent, and creative. Otherwise, you’ll get bored. And then instead of surprising her with flowers or a practical joke, you’ll surprise her by leaving.

FACT:
You embody the German principle of Konstantzusammenschaft, which is best described in English (without using the obscure English word “sammenschaft”) as “eternal togethermanship”.

ALWAYS AVOID: The Nymph

CONSIDER: The Window Shopper, The Peach

Mood: Chilled like James Spader in Less Than Zero
Music: Elvis Costello

So, I’m an ass. I have really been neglecting this blog and that needs to change. My reasons? Well, I wish I could say that I have been too busy, but that’s not entirely true. Busy is part of the reason, but for the most part…I’m just fucking lazy. So, getting back on track….here goes…

Satan has unleashed an interesting combination of bugs upon mid-Michigan recently. Bug #1: Black and red, medium-sized, spits acid from its eyes. Bug #2: Small lady-bug looking thing. Very cute. I saw one purr the other day. Bug #1 must be part rabbit because there are AT LEAST fifty-trillion of them on my porch. I’m talking softball-sized clumps of them, one on top of the other. I wonder what would make a shit-load of insects pile on top of each other like that…

“Hey! Frank called that girl he from the bar last night! He didn’t wait the required three days! Frank-pile!!! Get him, boys!”

That’s probably accurate. Can you imagine if other living things [not insects] did the whole clumping thing? Like, you’re walking down the street and you come upon 35 cats all on top of one another…

This reminds me; I have a theory that I think holds pretty true. The theory: many of anything is impressive even if the item by itself is not impressive.

Example: A flip-flop. Not too impressive, right? Ok… Imagine a truck-load of that same flip-flop… Yeah… See what I’m saying?

::transition::

Jenny spent the weekend with me. We went to Parker’s surprise birthday party. It was fun. We played Presidents and assholes [kind of the same thing when you think about it]. We left that party and went to Jeremy’s going away party. Assisted in a couple keg-stands, hugged Blackwidow [her spike necklace poked me], introduced Jeremy to Absinthe. Fun stuff…

I cleaned half of my apartment. Woohoo! Still need to hit the bathroom and my bedroom. I cannot wait. Our apartment is tiny, so when a little clutter appears, the whole place looks like shit. This will soon change as we are moving in May.

Well, I need to get some shit done, so I’ll end it here. Ciao.

Mood: Laid back like Matthew McConaughey in Dazed and Confused
Music: The Darkness

Well, it’s morning on my side of the planet, and that can only mean one thing - my energy pill is kicking in a tad too hard. These things make me understand how those Strongman contest guys are able to pull UPS trucks with their nutsacks.

I ate too much yesterday. My intake went as follows: Two large glasses of high-pulp orange juice, two Jimmy Dean sausage biscuits, a bowl of Campbell’s Chunky Soup, an eight-inch Big John’s steak sub, half an order of Lou & Harry’s cheese fries, two taco supremes from taco bell, a Krispy Kreme doughnut, an alfredo & veggie pasta-bake with cheese/garlic bread from Pizza Hut, some Starbursts, 90 or so ounces of water, an iced tea, and a bottle of Vernors. Wow.

This just in: My hair is doing some weird, flippy thing in the front. I’m not sure how I feel about it.

I start working out today for the first time in TOO MANY months. My belly and ass are a little bigger than I’d like them to be. Also, I want more bulk in my arms and chest. More on how that goes as the story progresses…

I just told someone that they were so old they could jump-rope with their titties. Clever…

Well, off to work now. Thanks for your time and please remember to wipe AWAY from the taint.

Mood: Still waking up
Music: Miles Davis - In A Silent Way Sessions

It’s been a while since I last posted, so I’ll do my best to fill in the gaps…

The night of my last post was fun. I had much beer and whiskey, conversed with friends, danced, etc. I successfully got the ex-girlfriend-induced funk out of my system. The only bad part about the night was a fella named Todd who thinks that every guy breathing wants him. He felt the need to sexually challenge me over and over again. I did my best to explain to him that not a single fiber of my being was attracted to him. Somehow, he was unable to absorb the point. Go figure.

Work has been going well. I’ve picked up a new duty and it keeps things interesting. It’s less tedious than the usual.

I bought a guitar a couple weeks ago. I practice here and there, but really need to get on the ball. I’m going to learn a White Stripes song today. I’m not sure which…

Jenny is up north for spring break. She’ll be going out of state for part of it. I hope she has fun. She’s got what sounds like a cold, so will be going to the doctor today. In the words of Robocop, “They’ll fix you…they fix everything.”

Speaking of Robocop; I watched it a couple times this week. I must say, it is actually a very well-done movie. Acting, cinematography, writing… all pretty good. Who would have thought.

I’m boring myself with this entry. I think I need to write when I have had a few glasses of wine - I tend to be more interesting at that point.

Lynn broke her arm a couple days ago! Snowboarding accident. Poor girl… She’s never broken anything before. I’ve broken nine bones and pretty much sprang the rest. I’m not fragile by any means but tended to push the limits of the human body when I was growing up. I need to take a movie and some vegan snacks to her place and baby her a bit.

Well, this entry is dry. Not in a good, dry-wine kind of way, either. More like the vagina of dead coal-miner.

That was just gross.