Mood: I need a drink
Music: Ani DiFranco, Velvet Underground, Elvis - On shuffle

I’ll begin with some background on my ex and I. We met a little after I got out of the army. I was in an odd stage of my life. Quite confused about who I was, what I wanted, etc. We were together for about two years.

The last year of our union was not so good. I had many ’stupid boy’ type characteristics. I was uninterested in being in any relationship and felt trapped much of the time. I turned into quite the prick. I treated her poorly. We eventually broke up. A few sad attempts at hanging out were made, but only exposed to me her complete distrust and lack of interest in me as a friend. She put up a wall, so to speak, and it made me feel like shit. I was enemy number 1.

It’s been over two years since we broke up. It’s been over a year and a half since I have really even thought about her.

A few months ago, I had a dream about her. The dream did a number on me for about a day. No more than a day or two later, I received mail at my house addressed to her. That was a bit odd. I looked her up and found her work number. I gave her a call and told her about the mail. She told me to throw it away and seemed half-way friendly about the whole thing. An odd emotional state continued for a couple days after that.

Last night, I had another dream about her. Nothing special happened in the dream from what I can recall, but I woke up feeling very emotional. It stayed with me all day. I called her up with intentions of asking if she’s like to get coffee and talk. I wasn’t looking for anything beyond a friendly chat. The call was awkward and I became nervous and embarrassed. I didn’t ask about getting coffee. She seemed bothered that I had called. We hung up.

I emailed her after and apologized for the call. I admitted that I was interested in talking with her sometime. In her reply, she indicated that though there were no hard feelings, she was completely uninterested in ever speaking to or seeing me again. She even made it a point to end the email by telling me not to reply as she would not send one back.

I don’t know what to say. What began as a search for closure or rekindled friendship [I'm not sure anymore], has left me feeling empty.

Other than my girlfriend, I have two best friends; Lynn and Tom. They fulfill my emotional needs [as far as friends go] in different ways. Tom is at work and will be until around midnight. Lynn has fallen off the face of the earth in the last few days.

Friends from work are going to Club 505 around 7:00. Beer and whiskey will have to fill the void. Perhaps they can answer the lingering question of why my ex feels that I am not worthy of a conversation.

dixxxws: You are annoying!
dixxxws: [well, last night you were]
naxxx07: why is that?
dixxxws: In my dream, I was in a mall buying a slip cover for my sofa.
dixxxws: I was lost and getting really upset.
dixxxws: Then, some hillbilly in a big truck offered to drive me home. I went with him.
naxxx07: this is already a crazy dream
naxxx07: is there more?
dixxxws: He kept talking about how he has 35 gears in his truck. He kept shifting and when he’d do it, he’d look at me with an expression that suggested that what he had just done was magical and deserved a big reaction from me.
dixxxws: I got home, and all of my lights were broken. I spent a bunch of time replacing them.
dixxxws: I put the slip cover on my couch.
dixxxws: Went for a jog.
dixxxws: During the ENTIRE dream [which seemed to last for hours and hours], you were trying to sell me some little gadget that played music, flossed teeth, and had a built-in flashlight.
naxxx07: haha
naxxx07: that is funny
naxxx07: and you didn’t want to buy it?
dixxxws: NO!
naxxx07: it sounds like a cool gadget
dixxxws: The floss wasn’t even real! It was Christmas tree tinsel!
naxxx07: you could still get a good floss out of christmas tree tinsel
dixxxws: You could get a good floss from a pubic hair…..but I’ll stick the with minty, intended-to-be-used-as-floss floss….thank you.
naxxx07: i don’t have a gadget to sell you…don’t worry
dixxxws: Don’t fuck with me, woman!

So, I took the Jung Typology Test and it concluded that I am an ENTJ. The description of someone that falls into the ENTJ category goes as follows:

“I don’t care to sit by the window on an airplane. If I can’t control it, why look?”

ENTJs have a natural tendency to marshall and direct. This may be expressed with the charm and finesse of a world leader or with the insensitivity of a cult leader. The ENTJ requires little encouragement to make a plan. One ENTJ put it this way… “I make these little plans that really don’t have any importance to anyone else, and then feel compelled to carry them out.” While “compelled” may not describe ENTJs as a group, nevertheless the bent to plan creatively and to make those plans realiity is a common theme for NJ types.

ENTJs are often “larger than life” in describing their projects or proposals. This ability may be expressed as salesmanship, story-telling facility or stand-up comedy. In combination with the natural propensity for filibuster, our hero can make it very difficult for the customer to decline.

TRADEMARK: — “I’m really sorry you have to die.” (I realize this is an overstatement. However, most Fs and other gentle souls usually chuckle knowingly at this description.)

ENTJs are decisive. They see what needs to be done, and frequently assign roles to their fellows. Few other types can equal their ability to remain resolute in conflict, sending the valiant (and often leading the charge) into the mouth of hell. When challenged, the ENTJ may by reflex become argumentative. Alternatively (s)he may unleash an icy gaze that serves notice: the ENTJ is not one to be trifled with.

-Functional Analysis-

Extraverted Thinking
“Unequivocating” expresses the resoluteness of the ENTJ’s dominant function. Clarity of convictions endows these Thinkers with a knack for debate, or wanting knack, a penchant for argument. The light and heat generated by Thinking at the helm can be impressive; perhaps even overwhelming. Experience teaches many ENTJs that restraint may often be the better part of valor, lest one find oneself victorious but alone.

Introverted iNtuition
The auxiliary function explores the blueprints of archetypal patterns and equips Thinking with a fresh, dynamic sense of how things work. Improvising on the fly is something many ENTJs do very well. As Thinking’s subordinate, insights are of value only insofar as they further the Right, True Cause celebre. [n.b.: ENTJs are capable of living on a higher plane, if you will, and learning to value individuals even above their principles. The above dynamic suggests less individuation.]

Extraverted Sensing
Sensing reaches out to embrace that which physically touches it. ENTJs have an awareness of the real; of that which exists. By stilling the engines of Thinking and iNtuition, this type may experience the Here and Now, and know things not dreamt of nor even postulated in iNtuition’s philosophy. Sensing’s minor role, however, puts it at risk for distortion or extreme weakness beneath the hustle and bustle of the giants N and T.

Introverted Feeling
Feeling is romantic, as the ethereal as the inner world from whence it doth emerge. When it be awake, feeling evokes great passion that knows not nuance of proportion nor context. Perhaps these lesser functions inspire glorious recreational quests in worlds that never were, or may only ever be in fantasy. When overdone or taken too seriously, Fi turned outward often becomes maudlin or melodramatic. Feeling in this type appears most authentic when implied or expressed covertly in a firm handshake, accepting demeanor, or act of sacrifice thinly covered by excuses of lack of any personal interest in the relinquished item.

-Famous ENTJs-

U.S. Presidents:
Franklin D. Roosevelt
Richard M. Nixon

Benny Goodman, “Big Band” leader
General Norman Schwarzkopf
Harrison Ford
Steve Martin
Whoopi Goldberg
Sigourney Weaver
Margaret Thatcher
Al Gore (U.S Vice President, 1993- )
Lamar Alexander (former governor, US Secretary of Education)
Les Aspen, former U.S. Secretary of Defense
Candace Bergen (Murphy Brown)
Dave Letterman
Newt Gingrich
Patrick Stewart (STNG: Jean Luc Picard)
Robert James Waller (author: The Bridges of Madison County)
Jim Carrey (Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, The Mask)

Fictional ENTJs:
Geordi LaForge (STNG)

That is quite the accurate description of myself according to the people that I’ve showed this to. Neat-o.

Ciao

Sorry for the lack of updates - I’ve been lazy. I’ll do my best not to let it happen again.

My birthday was a couple of days ago. I’m 24, like the show. Tom and I went to Trippers and hung out with my dad for a bit. After that, we went to Temple and had drinks with a couple of friends. Well, drinks and fungus. When it kicked in, we were pretty much pinned to a couple of chairs while we peered around the bar analyzing and judging everyone. A few people from highschool were there, but ignored us; nice. They were people that we really didn’t hang out with or even liked, but it’s been years and a ‘hello’ seemed to be in order.

I’m looking into buying an electric guitar. A Fender Strat with a gunmetal-blue satin finish. I cannot wait.

Laundry day was a week ago. I’m down to the last possible thing that I could wear. I should hit the ‘mat today. I also need to clean the Ferret cage, vacuum, dust. Fuck me….

I am now responsible for inspections of mobile homes for PIS, Inc. in the greater Lansing area. It’s a side job that should take up no more than 2 hours a week and yield me a few hundred dollars a month. This should really help with bills, debt, hookers, food, hookers, hookers….

Jenny is almost done with school. She’ll get her BA in May and will move in with Tom and I. We’re looking at a two bedroom near our current location. Should be fun.

I need a haircut.

I’m babbling. Time to get going. I’ll post again when I have something clever to say. Ciao.